Star's bizarre claim
By Ian Markham-Smith
TOM CRUISE reckons he has lived before and was even more talented and successful in his previous lives.
The eccentric War Of The Worlds star told a press conference that he is "old beyond reckoning".
And despite all his wealth and fame, he believes his current life is "probably one of the least satisfying" he has led.
Cruise, a devoted follower of the bizarre Church of Scientology, said: "I was much happier in previous existences when I wrote plays, composed music, conquered nations, discovered continents and developed cures for diseases"I only took my present form because Bingodulla, whom all Scientologists worship as the Supreme Thetan, selected me to spread the gospel of Scientology to the glib, uninformed masses.
"I really would have preferred being a brain surgeon or a research scientist in this life."
Cruise, 43, told how he has known and loved his latest fiancee, Dawson's Creek star Katie Holmes, "many times in many lives before".
He said: "When I was languishing in prison before being sent to exile, she used to send me notes hidden inthe collar of her pug dog. She's my eternal soulmate."
Cruise said the"sheer joy"of finding Katie again in his current life was something non-Scientologists could never understand.
He added: "I know the history of this woman.Other people don't.
"Until you've been with a partner in countless past lives, you'll never know the joy of rediscovering that partner in your present life. It's a joy I wish for all of you."
Cruise hit the headlines in June when he criticised Brooke Shields for seeing a psychiatrist and taking anti-depressants to get over post-natal depression.
And at his news conference, a Scientology-themed event with selected reporters from his fan club's newsletter, he claimed that Brooke was the lover of the founder of modern psychiatry, Sigmund Freud, in a previous life.
He said: "I could tell you stories about Brooke.
"She was the mistress of Sigmund Freud, you know. Is it any wonder she promotes his discredited theories? She's so confused.
Editors Note: It should be noted that this piece is patently false, but amusing none the less.